LucasFilm is Officially Creatively Bankrupt

In this trailer, devil-horned Obi Wan Kenobi and hot manga apprentice Lucia Skywalker escort space cowboy/smuggler Indiana Jones Solo towards a courtroom/jail cell, when SUDDENLY- Lucia, what do you sense? “Darkness.” Jesus, not darkness!

Sith Attack!!!

Thank God Indiana Solo has the fastest ship in the galaxy. He can “get ‘er out on the Falcon.” Let’s go!!!

Uh-oh. Here come the Sith. How many lightsabers? I don’t know. How many can you EFFING HANDLE, CHUMP?!?

Thank the Maker that Obi Wan DevilHornObi can sacrifice himself so that Lucia can Jackie Chan her way to the Falcon and they can “get to those guns/don’t get cocky kid” while getting ready for the hyperdrive and fly through a Destroyer like a Death Star trench and then they can OH WHO GIVES TWO SHITS.

Have none of these guys watched Red Letter Media?

That being said, the thing is effin’ gorgeous. The uncanny valley is almost gone, the movement is fluid, the sets are unbelievable, and the overall design is really spectacular. It’s a beautiful trailer that could’ve been directed by Micheal Bay. Every character looks like a superhero (yawn). The tropes are all there, in mind-numbingly predictable fashion. If everyone in your “film” (even if created by CG) is beautiful (or beautifully scarred/ugly/EVIL), well, your story probably sucks. And this one does.

But none of this should stop Lucas from casting me in the live action Star Wars. Just sayin’. I’d ugly up that stuff with some authentic cynicism, lemme tell ya.

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Guillermo del Toro in The New Yorker Magazine

del Toro discusses his process, trials with Hollywood, The Hobbit, At the Mountains of Madness, monster theory, and squashes his daughter with his gut in Daniel Zalewski’s fantastic New Yorker profile.

“The Hobbit,” he said, “is much less black-and-white. The monsters are not just evil. They’re charming, funny, seductive. Smaug is an incredibly smart guy!” Del Toro later said that he inevitably imposed his sensibility on source material: “It’s like marrying a widow. You try to be respectful of the memory of the dead husband, but come Saturday night . . . bam.”

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Kenny Powders Is Back

I am Christmas-morning-excited about the new season of Eastbound & Down:

I realize that it’ll be hard to duplicate the perfection of the first season, but I’ve got a feeling this one’s gonna be even better. I mean, just look at the damn cornrows: it’s amazing.

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