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Play It, Big Man.

I can handle a lot of things. Clarence Clemons death is not one of them.

No one had a tone like that. No one did more with 8 measures than he did. Rest in peace.

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I cannot believe he is on this shooting spree. And there’s nothing in the news about it. No outrage, no congressional attention- will no one think of the children?

There’s no way I’m buying his reggae album now. Reggae is about peace, AM I RIGHT?

Mansour Bahrami

Mansour Bahrami is the greatest tennis player and clown you’ve never heard of. A one man Harlem Globetrotters of tennis.

Don’t get too much joy in your cereal:

Whilst our children are playing video games, the children of the former Soviet Union are doing feats of strength, dexterity, and fearlessness, making “Red Dawn: The Actual” an inevitability.

See their playfulness, oh Sons of Jefferson, and quail!

Tim Minchin’s “Storm”

Masterfully directed and animated by DC Turner. One of those pieces that reminds me, “Get your ass back to work.”

 

“Elvis or Johnny Cash?” “Dancing With the Stars or American Idol?” “Leno or Conan?”

You’re kidding me, right? Four wars, unprosecuted financial robber-barons, eroding civil liberties, unprecedented attacks on democratic unions, and an insanely bloated military industrial complex.

Go f*ck yourself, John.

(Stewart’s take-down of the whole ridiculous charade here.)

 

In this trailer, devil-horned Obi Wan Kenobi and hot manga apprentice Lucia Skywalker escort space cowboy/smuggler Indiana Jones Solo towards a courtroom/jail cell, when SUDDENLY- Lucia, what do you sense? “Darkness.” Jesus, not darkness!

Sith Attack!!!

Thank God Indiana Solo has the fastest ship in the galaxy. He can “get ‘er out on the Falcon.” Let’s go!!!

Uh-oh. Here come the Sith. How many lightsabers? I don’t know. How many can you EFFING HANDLE, CHUMP?!?

Thank the Maker that Obi Wan DevilHornObi can sacrifice himself so that Lucia can Jackie Chan her way to the Falcon and they can “get to those guns/don’t get cocky kid” while getting ready for the hyperdrive and fly through a Destroyer like a Death Star trench and then they can OH WHO GIVES TWO SHITS.

Have none of these guys watched Red Letter Media?

That being said, the thing is effin’ gorgeous. The uncanny valley is almost gone, the movement is fluid, the sets are unbelievable, and the overall design is really spectacular. It’s a beautiful trailer that could’ve been directed by Micheal Bay. Every character looks like a superhero (yawn). The tropes are all there, in mind-numbingly predictable fashion. If everyone in your “film” (even if created by CG) is beautiful (or beautifully scarred/ugly/EVIL), well, your story probably sucks. And this one does.

But none of this should stop Lucas from casting me in the live action Star Wars. Just sayin’. I’d ugly up that stuff with some authentic cynicism, lemme tell ya.